"If there's anything almost as shameful as the behavior of these predatory gringos, it's that Merida's English-speaking expat community hasn't only turned a blind eye to what they do, but has in fact tolerated their presence and quite often interacted with them socially. A great many Yucatecos regard Merida's English-speaking expat community as generally amoral, disreputable, and untrustworthy. And you really can't blame them."
Anonymous comment received by MGRR
May 29, 2012 1:06 PM
"Mérida's English-speaking gay community is more or less a cadre of retired sex tourists. These men like their prostitutes cheap and desperate."
Anonymous comment received by MGRR
May 27, 2012 3:25 PM
"As a gay gringo in a happy, monogamous relationship with another gringo living here in Merida, I can attest to the humiliation felt when our reputation precedes us.
But I'm the first person to admit that this reputation is pretty solidly grounded in reality.
On multiple occasions I have been introduced to other gay gringos, typically in their 50s or 60s, with their Mexican 17-22-year-old partners in tow, and on more than one occasion I was informed, either directly or indirectly, that I could "get in on the action" with these young men for the right price.
These interactions quickly turned seemingly benign social occasions like house parties and film screenings into rather humiliating displays of privileged decadence.
When I moved here a few years ago, which I did not to retire but to study (I myself am not quite thirty years old yet,) I curiously perused Google to see what the gay scene was like. As I said, I'm partnered and monogamous, but I had always been involved in the respective communities I was a part of prior to my move south of the border, usually volunteering for AIDS organizations and homeless youth outreach.
The first page I came across was a guide for gay tourists coming to Merida, written in English, that hosted such valuable tidbits as which pereferico bars had the best male strippers, which parks to cruise for public sex in Cancun, and even an advertisement for a Rent-a-Boy service. This page has since been taken down after it was exposed on another blog, though I still have screenshots of it.
And the more research I did the quicker I realized that Merida's English-speaking gay community was more or less a cadre of retired sex tourists, and I got the impression that I wasn't the only "normal" gay expat living here who just wanted to make friends and wasn't here to cruise for foreign tail.
I also got the impression that these other "normal" men avoided the gringo gay scene, probably because, like me, they had been humiliated in public by other gay gringos' bad behavior.
I'm frustrated by facile cries of "homophobia" whenever someone dares to acknowledge what is plain as day for me and a great many of my friends here, both expat and local (and yes, Yucatecos know exactly what goes on.) I don't know what kind of homophobia these individuals have been exposed to during their lives, but as someone who has been the victim of real homophobia, and as someone who has spent time volunteering to help victims of AIDS and homeless youth who fled or were disowned by their own homophobic families, I can say that few things are as homophobic as taking advantage of the poverty and disenfranchisement of one of our young gay brothers.
There is a reason why people travel to the developing world to pay for sex. Prostitutes in places like the United States, Canada and Western Europe are more expensive, because, as desperate as they are, they are seldom as desperate as prostitutes in the developing world. These men like their prostitutes cheap and desperate.
They are well aware of the power dynamic that exists. They are probably more aware of class than your average person, and they take full advantage of that awareness. They knowingly and purposefully exploit the fact that they have power and their young lovers do not.
For this reason, I have issues with any wealthy retiree who enters into a romantic relationship with a much younger, much poorer person, of any gender, even if it is not a relationship based on prostitution, because we all know who carries the money, who has the power, who can make choices, and who can easily and comfortably recover should the relationship end.
This is a tragedy, for all parties involved, and especially for the gentleman who was killed. He cannot get his life back. But the lesser tragedy, one that will sadly continue on long after most of us forget this incident even happened, is the continued exploitation of disenfranchised gay youth at the hands of men who should know better."
Robert Lee Wickard case
Suspects in murder of Mérida American expat indicted and ordered to stand trial
Robert Wickard suspects held for 30 days
Four suspects in murder of U.S. citizen set to be arraigned
Opinion: A revolting way to die – and to live
American citizen murdered in Mérida died at hands of gay sex partners
U.S. citizen found murdered in Mérida
Jan. 18, 2013 - "Violence on Yucatán soil" - against foreigners
Feb. 15, 2013 - American expat murdered in Mérida had sex with 17 year old boy just before he died
I've always called them, to myself, "sex tourists on permanent vacation." It's nice to know I'm not the only one who is emabarrassed and chagrined by the scene.
ReplyDeleteI also am a gay gringo who has lived in Merida for some years. I moved here without knowledge that Merida's was a "gay destination." I came because I am interested in the culture, the friendly, peaceful atmosphere, high quality of life, and proximity to beaches and a great deal of natural beauty and archaeological zones.
When I first arrived I plugged into the expat network, and was welcomed and invited by a wide variety of expats here. I soon realized what was going on with many older foreign gays, I left a couple of parties early when they got uncomfortable and then I edged away from that scene.
I have shared my household for years with a younger Mexican person, who repeatedly gets painted with the broad brush by people who assume they know what it going on. The worst offenders are some of those older gringos who smile, wink knowingly ("that's a nice one!"), and then want to gossip about intimate details of the relationship they would never bring up with a gringo in a same-sex relationship with another gringo or who has a wife or girlfriend.
My partner is a professional who pays his share of the bills and household expenses, and often picks up the tab when we go out. We share chores, projects and decision-making around the house. I know his family and they sometimes stay over with us in Merida. I spend time visiting their home as well.
I and my partner were platonic friends for some time before becoming more involved.
It's a sad shame that so-called "gay culture" here is so tightly linked to the unattractive and exploitive "rent boy" scene.
Thanks for telling it like it is.
Hello
DeleteI am an older gay gringo living with a younger mexican and we also live together not as prostitutes but as 2 people who love each other..he too is professional and shares my life and i share his life , his family , his customs and also his love..shame on the gringos that search for the young for their own pleasures go home and tramp your own country..
Thank you, too, for being another witness to the truth, The issue isn’t gays. The issue, ultimately, is anybody in a power-position who manipulates someone else to satisfy selfish pleasures. Gays who freely enter into mature, adult relationships which are based on affection, not on money or economic needs, have my full support and respect. I'm glad you found happiness with your partner.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing and sharing your thoughts with the MGRR community.
As I mentioned in another post, Mexico is a land of many truths. Merida is no exception. What we see as truth is based on a combination of our own perceptions, observations, and experiences, some of which we share in common with others, and some of which are unique to us as individuals. I need to remind myself of this when I read some of the comments on this blog, because sometimes I catch myself mumbling, "What city is this person talking about? Surely, it can't be Merida."
ReplyDeleteI admit my views are biased regarding Merida. I moved here a little over 17 years ago, worked up until a few months ago, recently retired, and plan to live here for the rest of my life. Through my job I've had the opportunity to know hundreds of people here, mostly Mexicans and a few foreigners. Being an outsider, I've had the advantage of not being locked into the class system, at least not as much as most locals are; therefore, I've had the opportunity to know and associate with people from all socio-economic classes in ways that many locals can't. Does that make me an expert on "all things Yucatecan"? No, it doesn't. On the contrary, it makes me aware of how much I don't know and still have to learn about Merida and its various communities.
My impression -- feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about this -- is that the "sex tourists on permanent vacation" represent only a tiny fraction of Merida's gay population. I have met a few of them, although I don't know any of them well enough to call them friends or associates. Speaking acquaintances, maybe. I manage to visit downtown/centro on a regular basis (about once every 3 weeks or so,) and that's where I see them.
I am gay (no significant other), but I have not had the experiences that one of the previous posters mentioned. I haven't been informed that I could get in on the action, and I've never attended any parties that turned into rather humiliating displays of privileged decadence. That may be why I don't see "Mérida's English-speaking gay community is more or less a cadre of retired sex tourists" as a truth about Merida.
I don't feel humiliated or embarrassed by what other gay men do, just as I don't feel humiliated or embarrassed by what tourists and expats from my home country do when they're in Merida. I will say, however, that it annoys me sometimes when people make gross generalizations about gays or about people from a particular country. It also annoys me when people draw conclusions from assumptions based on opinions and then label them as "truth," suggesting that different opinions or conclusions must be false.
Maestro Carlos
(Sorry, tech-challenged here. I don't know how to put a "handle" instead of Anonymous on my comments.)
Mexico is not "a land of many truths." No place is a land of "many truths." Period.
ReplyDeleteThe truth of any matter is simply THE TRUTH. Not really all that difficult, is it? The world is full of apologists for all types of sordid behavior, who love to paint everything in "shades of grey." Indeed, several writers have dropped that mini-bomb on me -- that "things are not always what they seem, that they're not so black and white as they might appear."
Here's something black and white: a 67 year old man who died like an animal at the hands of five very young men, who will now spend the next 60 years in a cell. That same 67 year old man, it would appear from the evidence available, may have spent much of his life trolling the world in search of boy flesh.
Just what part of that strikes you as grey -- or as just another one of life's "many truths"?
And perhaps that search is what brought him to Mérida in the first place . . . perhaps.
ReplyDeleteYou know for a fact that all of what you stated is the black-and-white truth? That sounds as ridiculous to me as I'm sure I sound to you when I say I see things in shades of gray. Our ways of seeing things are beyond the comprehension of each other.
ReplyDeleteOne of my predictions, based on my experience, observations, and opinions, is that the 5 young men will not all spend the next 60 years in a cell. I predict that 3 or 4 of them will put all of the blame on 1 or 2 of the others. In the end, 1 or 2 of them will spend many years in prison, while the rest of them will be incarcerated for relatively short periods of time, having been found guilty of much lesser charges; 1 or 2 of them might even be found innocent of all charges. Do I know that for a fact (truth)? No, but I've seen similar things happen often enough since living here that I would not bet the farm on what you have stated to be the black-and-white truth.
Another of my opinions (my truths) based on my observations and experiences is that some expats see everything as right or wrong, black or white, true or false, and those are the ones who don't last very long here if they stick to that way of viewing things. They either change and adapt their views to shades of gray and multiple truths, or in 2 or 3 years tops, they're ready to pack up and leave, because they can't deal with a culture that sees truth as a multi-faceted, ever-changing, dynamic concept.
Maestro Carlos
Spare me, please, your self-indulgent observations about who will "last here long," or who will decide to "pack up and leave because they can't deal with a culture that sees truth as a multi-faceted, every-changing, dynamic concept." Reminds me of some of the silliness one might encounter on a New Age website. You should start your own.
DeleteIn the meantime, I'm glad you're comforted by the fact that only a couple of these young men "will spend many years in prison," after the others testify against them. Gosh, that really tidies up the whole case rather nicely, doesn't it?
And as for Mr. Wickard, well, he can just . . . oops, I forgot, we don't have to concern ourselves with him, do we?
"In the meantime, I'm glad you're comforted by the fact that only a couple of these young men 'will spend many years in prison,' after the others testify against them. Gosh, that really tidies up the whole case rather nicely, doesn't it?"
Delete- Byrne
If only 2 of the young men are charged with and found guilty of murder, and those 2 spend many years in prison, then, yes, it will tidy up the case nicely in a legal sense. (I can't think of anything that would "tidy up" this sad situation in other ways for all involved.)
What you have claimed as the truth is that all 5 young men murdered another man and that all 5 will spend 60 years in prison, and you have made that claim of truth BEFORE any or all of them have even been charged with or tried for murder. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? I would expect more from someone who claims to be both a lawyer and a journalist.
Then again, I guess I shouldn't expect more from someone who is above talking to tourists who wear "funny clothes" and assumes that every older foreign man who has lunch in a restaurant with a younger Mexican man and picks up the tab is a perverted sex tourist exploiting the poor with his power and money.
All five men HAVE been charged with murder. Four are now in custody, and the police are searching for the fifth. Those four in custody HAVE admitted the events (at least according to multiple local press sources). While it’s true that they are entitled to the technical presumption of innocence, key admissions to the crime have already been made by the accused. The maximum time that Mexico holds a convicted defendant in any case is 60 years (Florence Cassez is a good example). Hence the highly predictable jail sentences upon conviction.
DeleteI don’t “claim to be” a journalist or an attorney. I am. What, and who, are you? Another tourist or expat on permanent vacation who knows nothing of the language, the law, the history or the country? Another uninformed foreigner who, for lack of Spanish, gets his/her information from equally uninformed expat websites?
There’s a saying about opinions. I’ll render it for you in English, to which you are apparently limited. “Opinions are like “a . . holes,” everybody’s got one.” You are entitled to your opinions, and to express them on this site, but you are not entitled to your facts. Next time, get your facts right.
As for my editorial remarks about the tired, pathetic old gays – all of them expats – trolling for young Mexicans in this city, I don’t need to defend my observations. So many other responsible members of Mérida’s gay community have done it for me in this very article.. You ignored what they wrote, probably because it made you uncomfortable. Someone is either part of the problem, or part of the solution. You are part of the problem.
The last that I read, 4 of the 5 are being held for 30 days, while the judge decides if there's enough evidence to try them for murder and/or other crimes. They are still looking for the 5th guy. Nowhere have I read that all of them confessed to murdering the man. The last I read from various sources,the 4 in custody have admitted the events (the man was murdered, things were stolen to be sold or pawned from his house,) but I haven't read that all of them confessed to murdering him or participating in the act of murder. Granted, I don't accept as truth everything I read in newspapers or hear on TV news reports in English or Spanish. At any given time, there's been conflicting information in the news, and also information changes from one day to the next.
DeleteAs for who I am, I am bilingual, a citizen of both the USA and Mexico, bisexual (or gay or straight, depending on whose definition you prefer to use,) and I find many of your comments, assumptions, accusations, generalizations, and opinions quite offensive on various levels. Many others who read your blog might find your comments and style to be spot on. I don't know.
True, you do not need to defend your editorial remarks regarding your observations. After all, it is your blog. On your blog you most certainly have the right to label anything you want as the only truth. You also have the right to try to insult, belittle, and offend anyone who questions or disagrees with you. I'm glad that it gives you consolation that so many other responsible members of Merida's gay community (3 or 4 out of at least several hundred) defended your editorial remarks.
With respect to the key elements of the case, you’ve got it wrong. In fact, at last Tuesday’s court hearing, one or two of the four men now in custody admitted that Wickard was stabbed to death sometime before May 13.
DeleteMexico, like the United States and many other nations, abides by basic accomplice principles in its application of the criminal law. Within the facts of this case, here’s out that legal doctrine works:
Five men were living with Wickard. One is a prostitute (or so he told the court). The four now in jail have admitted that they all had sex with Wickard, according to local press accounts. (no surprise there, since the available evidence suggests Wickard had a proclivity for young, gay sex).
After Wickard was stabbed by at least two of the men (again, their own admissions), this band of brothers buried him in his own garden. Over the next 15 days, they hauled out his few pathetic possessions, selling or pawning them around town. They continued to live on the premises during that time, just meters from his rotting corpse. When police finally arrived, they said the horrific stench was quite noticeable all the way out on the street.
Yes, technically speaking the court is “holding them for 30 days while the case is further investigated.” But the events have been 100% accurately reported by MGRR, based upon multiple original sources. Nothing has been changed or distorted. The facts here plainly support murder charges. All of these men will almost assuredly have to answer for homicide in a Mexican court, as principals or as accessories after the fact, just as they would in Canada or the United States.
You charge that I “insult and belittle” anyone who disagrees with me. I suggest you go back and review the comments left by several angry gay readers, which were all about attacking me as “homophobic” (predictably so). The problem with such readers – all of whom fired their bullets from behind the safe wall of complete anonymity, as you did – is that they simply can’t tolerate any counter-fire. They would prefer to have the last word, and say, “Guess I showed that guy, didn’t I?” But that’s not going to happen here.
I’ve allowed EVERYONE their say on this site, without exception. How many local expat bloggers or writers do that on ANY subject? Read them. They publish sweet little comments from fellow expats, most of whom are quite uninformed on what goes on in this city, in this state and in this country.
Finally, as to your observation that only three or four gays have supported my editorial opinions, the same is true with respect to those who have written in opposition. I don’t claim to have taken a scientific poll on the issue, and I could care less. I opened a public debate on a topic long under the covers, and many people got to express their views – including you.
Stop whining, my firend. You’ve now had your 15 minutes of anonymous fame.
That was the most civil response from you to any of my comments on your blog so far. I am not looking for 15 minutes of fame, anonymous or otherwise. If anything, I'm looking for a better understanding of many things including the various thought processes and points of view of people in Merida. Not specifically gays or straights, not expats or locals. Just a better understanding of people.
DeleteThere are things I don't understand about Mexican law. With the implementation of the "new system" and its training sessions for those involved (judges, lawyers, police, etc.,) I'm not sure that even those involved understand everything about Mexican law. There are some main points such as innocent until proven guilty, torture no longer allowed to get suspects to confess to crimes, and more transparency (public hearings, oral testimony instead of everything on paper,) but there's still a whole lot that is not clear to me about Mexican law.
As for the part about accomplices, I understand that in principle, but I have not seen it in practice. I know of specific cases -- I know some of the people involved personally -- in which several people participated in the crime, but only one or two were found guilty of the crime and were sentenced to several years in prison, while the others only spent a couple of months or even less behind bars. I realize that "antecentes" have a lot to do with it, but 6 years vs. 2 months or less for participating in the same crime seems extreme to me when all had similar previous crime records.
I am certainly not the type of person who sees everything in Merida through rose-colored glasses. No doubt in my mind that there's good, bad, and ugly in Merida. Since one of the main topics here focuses on an element of the expat community expoiting locals, I find it ironic that some of the same people who consider this exploitation so dastardly have no problem patronizing restaurants where the employees are terribly underpaid (exploited by the restaurant owners,) have no problem living in safe neighborhoods where companies provide security, and the security guards earn very little money (security guards exploited by the security companies.) and on and on.
I share my house with 4 housemates: 2 work in restaurants, 1 works in a bakery, and 1 works as a security guard. They contribute something each pay day toward expenses but do not pay rent per se. It is my house, meaning I don't rent it. I own it. It's not a bank trust. The deed to the property and the house title are in my name. What's in it for them? They have a safe, secure place to live, and they pay what they can afford based on what little they earn. What's in it for me? Safety and security as well. There's almost always at least one person in the house. It's not wise to leave a house unattended especially on a regular, predictable schedule. And I enjoy their company most of the time. For those who like to assume things, I might add that I do not have sex with my housemates, and as far as I know, they don't have sex with each other.
I agree with many of your thoughts just above. There are too many to respond to here, but permit me this one observation about legal matters:
DeleteLike you (and obviously, I write as a U.S. trained attorney who practiced law for over three decades, including criminal law) I have many concerns about Mexico's legal system, even in its "new and improved" form. You stated above, "I'm not sure that even those involved understand everything about Mexican law." I agree with you 100% - although I might be tempted to change the operative word to "ANYTHING about Mexican law."
In writing my story about last week's court appearance by the four Wickard suspects, I noticed that one of the Spanish press reports suggested that even the judges here are not entirely sure how the new "oral trial" procedures are supposed to work. Perhaps that's no surprise, since a criminal justice system which has been used everywhere else for centuries has just landed in Mexico. But it doesn't instill much confidence, does it?
On your points about other forms of local exploitation -- such as economic -- I fully concur with your thoughts.
As I predicted . . .
Deletehttp://yucatan.com.mx/merida/homicidas-liberados
Thank you for that update from today's (July 3) Diario de Yucatán. I hadn't seen it.
DeleteThe key paragraph of the story is this:
Los liberados son Edward Jesús Gamboa Salas y Lorenzo Matos Montalvo alias “Enzo” o “Janeth”. Ambos relataron que se enteraron de la muerte cuando los invitaron a una casa ubicada cerca de San Sebastián, donde departieron con los demás acusados.
It simply says that the two men named above claimed they didn't know anything about the murder until they were invited to Wickard's residence. They claim (apparently) that he was already dead and buried by then. Since the prosecutor can't prove otherwise -- at least at this point -- they have been freed.
Two other men in custody will be tried for robbery and murder, however, as the article makes clear. And police are still looking for the fifth suspect, alleged to be one of the two actual killers.
I'll post an update to my last article, as well as a link to this story.
As Mr. Byrne has noted, people who claim there are "many truths" are people looking for convenient ways to avoid facing unpleasant facts.
ReplyDeleteFor at least twenty years it's been common knowledge among Merida's English- and Spanish-speaking populations that there are a significant number, which means far more than just a few, of older American and Canadian men who come to Merida to buy sex from poor, marginalized male minors. (I do not define these American and Canadian men as "gay" because homosexuality has nothing at all to do with pedophilia.)
If you speak Spanish well enough to make close friends with yucatecos, you quickly learn that the existence of these predatory older gringos is a not a "dirty little secret" that Merdia's expat community has successfully managed to hide from the local Spanish-speaking population.
And the presence of these predatory older gringos in Merida's expat community is the main reason why a great many yucatecos regard Merida's English-speaking expat community as generally amoral, disreputable, and untrustworthy. And you really can't blame them.
If there's anything almost as shameful as the behavior of these predatory gringos, it's that Merida's English-speaking expat community hasn't only turned a blind eye to what they do, but has in fact tolerated their presence and quite often interacted with them socially.
The consequences of this perverse tolerance are so obvious and serious that only a fool mightn't apprehend them or fail to take them into careful account when considering whether to move to Merida and buy or rent a house in an area in which many gringos live.
Do you really want to be associated with a community that's locally infamous for harboring any number of creepy old men who love to have sex with children?
What risks might you face were you known to associate even casually with that community?
Yes, I think I'll continue to rent, thank you.
DeleteBut you've caused me problems, Mr./Ms. writer. Now all of those local websites which sell houses, handy tips for home canning and Spanish lessons (Yes! You CAN learn to speak Spanish, in just 90 days!) are going to be complaining that you're hurting business. Egad!
Gringisimo:
DeleteWhat exactly is "that community"? Are you using the term to mean all foreigners in Merida? With so many foreigners (tourists, snowbirds, expats) in this city, I would guess that lots of people in "that community" have never met, seen, or heard of the majority of the others in "that community." I know there are a men's club, a women's club, and an English library with foreigners as members, but I think those involve a relatively small portion of all foreigners in Merida.
I'm sure there are locals who lump all foreigners into one group and have stereotypes and make generalizations. To do so seems to be part of human nature not limited only to Mexicans.
I'm a native English speaker, and on occasion I associate casually with a few other native English speakers, so by your definition based on those two criteria, I guess I am part of "that community," even though the vast majority of my friends, neighbors, and co-workers are Mexicans. I might add that I don't know any pedophiles much less associate with any, and after all these years living and working in Merida, I've yet to have any Mexican friends, neighbors, or co-workers suggest that they equate "native English speaker" or "foreign community" with pedophile.
I am not saying there are no foreign pedophiles and long- or short-term "sex tourists" in Merida. I am not that naive. Not all sex tourists are pedophiles, and not all pedophiles are sex tourists, although I'm sure there are situations where the two overlap.
As for the people, foreigners and locals alike, that I know well enough to consider them friends, they would not tolerate pedophilia, and they would do something about such situations if they knew about them. By the same token, even though they may not approve of adult prostitution or a married man keeping a mistress (a form of prostitution,) they most likely would not intervene in those situations.
If in fact there are many members of "that community" who are aware of foreign pedophiles and even socialize with them, then my question would be why. Is it because they approve? Is it because as foreigners they don't want to get involved in legal situations? Is it because they believe these types have some kind of influence and power that they could use against someone who raised issues with them? I realize you may not have all the answers, but I'd be interested in your opinion.
What you have taken issue with is common in the gay community in general. I don't like it and I wish things were different but it is not limited to Mexico or other third world or developing countries. Its just something on the path to gays being integrated and normalized in society.
Delete